


Twist the nuts

by BarPurple



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: A Monthly Rumbelling, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, F/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 01:16:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17694821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: Buying the sofa bed on the cheep had seemed like such a good idea at the time.





	Twist the nuts

Gold blew a lank lock of hair out of his face and wished for the millionth time that he’d never cut it. It had made sense after Milah handed him the divorce papers, but now it was in the awkward growing back stage, it just got in the way. He’d have probably kept it short if Neal hadn’t said it looked weird. Huffing at the irritating hair again he tightened his grip on the spanner and applied all the force he could muster. The nut started to move. The grin that appeared on his face slid away as the spanner slipped from his grip and flew across the room to clatter against the radiator.

“For fuck’s sake!”

He sat back and raked his sweaty fingers through his even sweatier hair as he glared at the fucking sofa bed. He’d picked it up cheap, an ex-display model that had seized up. At the time he’d been confident that he could get it working, but after four hours of solid work he’d only managed to release three of six bolts. The fucking thing was mocking him. It was tempting to give it a kick but knowing his luck he’d break his toe.

“You fucking bawbag. Useless cunting twat of a contraption. Fucking wee..."

The doorbell halted his rant. Gold glanced guiltily at the open window. It was only February and still cold, but after an hour of battling with the cursed sofa bed of doom he'd needed a breeze. He groaned and limped towards the front door wondering which of his neighbours he’d offended with his Glasgee gob.

"Please don't be the nun."

Mother Superior didn't think much of him anyway and struck him as the sort who would delight in offering the court a bad report of his conduct. Wouldn't look good having a nun say you were a bad father.

His relief at not finding the nun on his doorstep was short lived. Instead of having to placate an irate nun he found himself face to face with the lovely wee librarian.

"Hey there Gold."

He mumbled something close to hello. He always turned into an incoherent mess around the lovely Belle French. She was wearing leggings and a baggy jumper today, and as ever she looked gorgeous. In his paint stained jeans and tatty white t-shirt, he felt like a slob, a gross sweaty slob.

Belle smiled at him; "Are you okay? Just you've been cussing up a storm, so I wondered if anything was wrong."

"I'm trying to fix a sofa bed."

"Do you need a hand?"

In his head he politely declined her offer, on the grounds that she'd already done so much helping him prepare for the custody hearing. In his head he suavely asked to take her out to dinner to say thank you. In his head she said yes.

In fact, he hummed and hawed for a moment and then said; "Aye, come on in."

As Belle brushed by him, he winced at just how much of a sweaty mess he was, fuck he must stink. Belle gave no sign that she found his smell offensive. He led her into the living room and began babbling.

"I got it cheap you see, thought it would be good for when Neal stays, for me to sleep on I mean, the lad will have my bed, so he sleeps well, needs a good night's sleep growing lad like him..."

He trailed off as Belle touched his arm. Christ but she was warm.

“I think Neal would love to sleep on a bed that transforms."

Gold nodded dumbly. He'd considered that but worried that Milah might try to say it wasn't good enough and stop Neal’s over-night stays.

"Shall we see if we can beat it into submission?"

"Aye."

Gold crossed the room and scooped up the spanner that he'd tossed. All the air left his lungs as he turned around to find Belle stripping out of her baggy jumper. He hair fluffed out as she pulled it over her head, leaving her mussed. Gold struggled to get a breath at the sight of her. Belle French was standing in his house wearing blue leggings and a tight white tank top. When she leaned over to examine the sofa frame, he shook his head and dropped his eyes to the spanner in his hand.

"You got any lube?"

Gold's head jerked up so fast his neck cracked: "Erm, what?"

"Three in one oil, or WD-40?"

"Oh yeah right, just in the tool box."

He wasn't daft, he'd oiled to nuts and bolts before he'd started. Belle added a bit more and picked up a second spanner.

"Top or bottom?"

Gold blinked at her, silently cursing his mind for being in the gutter. He understood what she was suggesting, no need to be a dirty old man just because her words were a wee suggestive.

"I'll wriggle under if you'll go on, erm do the top one."

Nearly put his foot in it there, but saved himself, just about. Gold shifted into position and applied the spanner to the bolt. Once Belle was set she said; "Righty tighty, lefty loosey."

Gold gave her a nod and together they attacked the bolt. It came loose after a moment and with a cheer they moved on to the next one. The second one took a bit more umph, but they did it and Gold had managed to stop himself swearing out loud.

"One more to go."

From Gold's point of view the last one was a nightmare. In order to get leverage Belle had to stand astride his hips. The frame of the sofa bed was between them, but it didn't stop his filthy mind spinning images of what their position could lead to. He was sweating like a whore in church on Sunday now, and it didn't help that Belle was flushed from the effort. His hands were so slick that he lost his grip on the spanner twice before they got started.

“Sorry Belle just a moment.”

He wiped his hands off on his jeans and gripped the spanner.

“Okay. Ready.”

Gold's arm muscles strained. Belle grunted and shifted her stance, her foot nudging against his hip. He almost bit through his tongue at the contact.

“Stupid wee fucker.”

He wasn't sure if he was cursing the bolt or his own idiotic mind. Just because Belle was a kind and pretty woman who helped him out didn't mean that he had any right to think about her like that.

“Oh, come on you twat.”

If he'd had the breath to spare Gold would have laughed at Belle swearing. Somehow, she still sounded prim and proper. Maybe he should teach her some good old Glasgow swearing? That would be fun to hear.

The bolt finally gave.

“Got ye yer bastard.”

“Thank fuck for that.”

Belle wiped her hand over her face and then on her top before she offered it to him to help him up from the floor. They stood side by side breathing heavily for a moment.

“Okay what's next?”

“Ah that would be the really noisy bit I reckon.”

Working in tandem they applied oil to every moving part. While that was sinking in Gold closed the window. The breeze was cooling the sweat on his skin and making him feel sticky.

“You okay?”

Belle blew a wisp of hair out of her face; "I'm good, shall we give it a go?"

The sofa made the worst sort of metal scream as they tried to open it into a bed. There was a moment when it stuck. Gold wondered how the hell he'd be able to get the damn thing out of the house if it jammed like this. Belle and he grunted and threw all the weight they could at it and finally with a lurch and a groan of metal it sprung into place.

“Yay hey! Look at that!”

Belle offered him a hand for a high five. Neal had only been accepting fist bumps these days because ‘they were cooler’, so Gold bumped her palm with his fist. Belle curled her hand into a fist just as he opened his for a high five. They laughed together at the muddle. After more oil and a few more tries the change from sofa to bed and back was easy.

“Shall we test it out?”

Gold nodded happily, not really considering that Belle had suggested a test run while the damn thing was in bed position. The bed was solid as they both gingerly climbed on to it, no alarming creaks or groans. Gold lay on his bad and stared at the ceiling, very aware of Belle next to him.

“Not quite how I pictured this.”

Gold rolled his head to one side to look at her

“Pictured what?”

Belle looked at him and bit her bottom lip; “Being in a bed all sweaty with you. I've thought about it quite a lot.”

He licked his tongue over his lips and asked; “Have you now?”

She nodded, a shy smile on her lips that was going to be the death of him.

Gold took a quick breath and said; “I've thought about it too, quite a bit to be honest.”

Belle looked back at the ceiling, but he could see the smile still curling her lips.

“It should be one of our own beds, not Neal's.” - She looked at him again – “Come over to mine tonight about six? We can order some food in.”

Gold glanced at his watch, it was quarter after five; “Half six, so I've time to shower?”

Belle made a show of lifting her arm and sniffing her arm pit. Her nose wrinkled dramatically; “That is a very good idea for both of us.”

She rolled off the bed and picked her jumper up from where she'd left it on the back of a chair; “So dinner at half six and then...”

Gold stood up and moved close enough to take her hand; “And then we'll see hey?”

He walked her to the door and watched her as she crossed the lawn to her house. Once she'd given him a little wave and stepped inside Gold closed his front door and leaned against it.

“Fucking hell. Who'd have thought?”

He did a little celebration dance and caught a whiff of the sweat clinging to him. He needed a shower fast, and a shave wouldn't go amiss either. Grinning like fool Gold hurried into the front room and folded the bed back into a sofa. He patted the chocolate brown fabric fondly.

“Yer not such a fucker after all.”


End file.
